I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
