We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
