There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I licked your asshole in confidence.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
