where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
