I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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