new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
