guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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