we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
