I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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