My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
