whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
