i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
