so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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