hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
