you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
