I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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