Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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