This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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