Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
