using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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