My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize