So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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