Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
