I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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