I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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