it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
