Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
