Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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