College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
