I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
