Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
