I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
