Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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