i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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