Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
