beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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