my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
