you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize