you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
