apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
