if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
