Say something about gay babies.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
