1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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