I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
