Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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