I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
