my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's get the cat blown out
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
