a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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