fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
