so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
