i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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