My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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