you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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