Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
