Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
