on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
