Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
