sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
