The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm always down for nudity.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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