I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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