Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Welp...herpes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
