I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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