I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
