When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
