My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize