I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
