Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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