Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize