Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
