The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
