Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
