Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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