dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
